My worst fear followed by an answered prayer...

"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."
--I Corinthians 10:13


"Very truly, I tell you, anyone who hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and does not come under judgment, but has passed from death to life."
--John 5:24


The next week took forever because I would get to see Meagan at the end of it. Nick had told me that right after the church service me and about 20 of the other guys were heading to the mother church in San Antonio, TX. That meant Meagan would be making the 5 hour drive to sit with me for church and then she was driving 5 hours back home. We didn't care, for us we were a new couple and would do whatever it took to see each other. Church was great and we said goodbye.


All 22 of the guys who would be making the trip loaded up along with the 15 women from the women's home and we headed down to San Antonio for a week long conference. Even though I had seen the flags of the different countries it hadn't really sunk in with me just how big this ministry was. There are 114 ministries in 17 different countries worldwide. In fact last night at church Pastor Gustavo, from Spain and Pastor Juan Carlos from Panama spoke on God's blessings. So we went to the concert hall downtown and it was packed. There was around 3000 people there. Most of us were ex-drug addicts who had been set free by Jesus Christ and if you were to come in during the worship service you would have known it. Each night our senior pastor, Jubal Garcia, spoke on something powerful. Jubal is the son of Freddie Garcia who is the father/founder of the Outcry in the Barrio/Victory Temple Ministries. He started it all from his house several years ago. You can read all about it in his book Outcry in the Barrio. If you want a copy, let me know, it is free. 


It was a great week and we headed back home the following Saturday. I was excited because I would get to see Meagan yet again the following day...or so I thought. As we were getting ready for church one of the leaders told me that I was one of the 2 guys staying back from church to watch the home while everyone was gone. Immediately I was furious. I told them that my wife was coming and that I WAS going to church. About that time Nick came out of his office and told me he needed to talk with me. As we sat down he told me that he had told Meagan not to come and that was all I heard as the steam started to come from my ears!! "You did what?" I said. He began to explain that I was only looking forward to Sunday and I was just 'getting by' every other day. He said that I needed to focus on my relationship with Jesus, and NOTHING else. As mad as I was, he was right. 


That next week I missed another milestone. Not only had I missed my first Fathers Day, My 2 year wedding anniversary and my birthday, but now it was Meagan's birthday and all I could do was write a letter that wouldn't reach her in time. Times like these were tough, real tough. But, I was getting deeper and deeper into God's word each day. I had fallen head-over-hills in love with Jesus Christ.


 A couple more weeks had gone by and it was nearing the end of August. I couldn't believe that I had been there for more than 2 months now. I remember this next part very well. I was up all night sick one Friday night and was allowed to stay in bed the next morning. At about 8am one of the guys came up and told me that Joe Joe (the second in command behind Nick) wanted me to get up and get dressed; he wanted to talk to me. I thought he was going to try and tell me that I was faking sick. So I got ready and went downstairs. When I entered the office I could tell something wasn't right. He said that he had gotten a phone call early this morning and apparently my grandfather had passed away the night before. One of my worst fears had come true. I immediately started sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't stop crying. I didn't have the chance to tell him I love him and that I was sorry for everything. He was probably one of the only people that never EVER doubted me....EVER. Man I loved Pawpaw, and I miss him so much.

The thoughts that came at me at this point were trying to decide whether or not I should go home for a few days. Honestly I was afraid I wouldn't return and for me that meant that I might go back to my old ways. But after a short time, I asked Joe for permission to call Meagan and also for permission to go home for the funeral. He said yes to both and I called her. Surprisingly I was pretty calm and I told her to head to Ft. Worth to come get me. I went to class and the next few hours seemed to be the longest hours of my life.


We arrived in Benton later that night and it was great to see all of my family, honestly the best part to me was to be able to play with Beckett. I had a good meal with my family that night and it was off to church the next morning. It was certainly not as charismatic as I was used to and truth be told, it was somewhat of a downgrade. After church we headed to the funeral home to view the body. It was bittersweet, it was so terribly sad and I struggled for a minute but in the end I was jealous of Pawpaw...yes, Jealous. He never had to put up with this world again, and for him in the end that meant so much real pain. He had finished the race and was sitting at the right hand of God. For the first time in my life I realized that death didn't scare me. Pawpaw was a lot better off than any of us as we sat there and cried over him. If he had been in the room with all of us crying like little babies he would have scolded us for doing so, and that is one of the reasons he was loved by so many people.


We got to spend some quality time together on Monday and the Funeral was the next day. It was a wonderful memorial service celebrating his life. It was packed, I told Meagan that I hope I have an 1/8th of that at my funeral saying that I had impacted their life like so many had told us of Pawpaw. I spent the rest of the day with all of my family and woke up fairly early Wednesday morning to head back down to Ft. Worth. After saying my goodbyes we were off and my stomach was immediately in knots. Mainly because I did not want to go back, but ultimately knew that I didn't have a choice.


When I say I didn't have a choice it wasn't because I wouldn't be accepted at home (although I don't think Meagan would have gone for it...at all), I think, deep down,they somewhat expected me to stay home; it was because if I wanted my life to change forever then I had to fulfill my commitment to God and that was six months. She dropped me off just before church on that Wednesday night and the service was just what I needed. I had told Meagan to call the Men's home when she made back safely. I slept by the phone every night (because people would call and want to come into the home at all hours of the night, and also they would want someone to pray for them and as we all know people need prayer at all hours of the day and night) and I would see the note that she had called.


We got to go to bed early that night so it was about 10:45 and the phone rang and when I picked up the phone Meagan said "Todd, has Nick talked to you yet?" I said "No, what has happened now?" She began to cry and told me that she had always thought she was saved and when she had doubts she lied to herself and moved on. She said that she was nearly sick to her stomach the whole way home and realized that she needed to truly accept Jesus as her personnel Lord and Savior. I began to cry and told her that was the happiest day of my life.


You couldn't get me to stop smiling for the next few days. Life was great, but the home was still hard and the next couple of months were probably the toughest.

Coming home from one of the visits to Todd.

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