Yes God, I will do it...

"Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name. For it is time for judgement to begin at the household of God; and if it begins with us, what will be the outcome for those who do not obey the gospel of God?"

--1 Peter 4:16-17

"And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus."

--Phil 4:19

Bobby had warned me about the 3 toughest times while he was in the home. The first would be the first time I saw my family, I made it through that one okay. The second one had come about. I had hit the half way point and I was getting attacked from every which way. By this time in the home I was one of the leaders. I was driving one of the vans as we went evangelizing and fundraising each day, I was the dorm leader for the older guys (guys who had been in the home from more than 45 days) who slept downstairs, also as I mentioned I was sleeping by the phone and praying for people throughout the night. I was teaching the new guys and the devil was not happy about all of this.

As I would often tell the newer guys, there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't want to leave. This place was tough, THANK YOU JESUS! If it had been any different I wouldn't have changed. I don't really remember exactly when but my little brother got to take in the experience during this time. I didn't know what he would think, honestly from the very moment that he saw me I think he began to look up to me again. I had lost any sense of being a role-model for him. If he wanted to know what not to do he just needed to hang around me for a little while. But all of that had changed and I just knew it by the way he seemed to look up to me and how proud of me he was. He may not even know this now but, next to Meagan, his approval was pretty important to me and I missed being his "big brother". From the moment we saw each other I knew I would always be his big bro/mentor/role-model.

God had been really dealing with me on something. He made it very clear to me that if I really wanted to change I would be obedient and go where he told me to go. At first I thought "hmmm, this will be easy, I have already dropped everything and come to Ft. Worth" but then I realized he meant my whole family...for good. So I wrote a letter to Meagan telling her what God had put on my heart for our family and completely to my surprise she said "I will do whatever God tells you to do for our family". And that was it, for once in my life I didn't question God I just said okay. After all he had saved my life and everything in it, it was the least I could do. I will do whatever God asks me to do because I know he will bless my obedience, although I will never do anything expecting a blessing or do it because I deserve to be blessed, because I don't as you all know.

That was that and Meagan had to break that news to her parents, and I had to break it to mine. Since the moment Meagan and I started dating all her parents have known was a wild KID who just flew by the seat of his pants and didn't really have any long term goals. I had been to rehab and jail and did not change, why on earth would I be any different now. The answer is simple...the blood of Jesus Christ. Nevertheless they still had reservations, I was taking away there only child as well as their only grandchild, and although they were not happy about it (and I do not blame them at all, they were better sports about it than I would have been) they supported our decision because Meagan was happy and because it was God's will for our family.

My parents took the news about the same, although they have another kid, they do not have another grandchild. They seemed okay with it and I think that mainly stemmed from the 2-3 visits that had in Ft. Worth and according to Meagan..."you can just tell" that I had changed. I don't really know how to describe her saying that other than me being filled with The Holy Spirit.

----Just a side note that I don't know if I was clear on. The Victory Home did not cost me a thing. They don't get ANY private or government funding. They do not get food stamps per person on anything like that. It is run strictly by donations and money that is raised by all of the guys fundraising each day. If God puts it on your heart to donate feel free to email me at toddm2526@gmail.com. 

This place saved my life so it is the least I can do to mention that so that someone else can have the same chance to know Jesus and get their family back.

Anyway, one day while we were out, Joe Joe (that is his nickname not a typo) called me (the 3 older guys in the home took cell phones with them so the leaders could call and check on their group) and asked how we were doing and I told him. Nick was out of town for a couple of days so it was just Joe Joe doing all the teaching and he then told me that Nick had told him to pick a couple of guys who would be teaching to EVERYONE that night including the women from the women's home. Now, I had taught the group of 5 or 6 new guys a few times but this was 60 guys and 20 women plus one of the guy's family had come to visit him. I told him I didn't want to, that I couldn't do it, knowing that I was going to regardless. God had been preparing me to do it though, by telling my testimony on the streets and teaching the new guys I was ready.

I went and picked up the other guys and headed home for prayer time. I asked God to speak whatever he wanted through me and just use me as a vessel for his words. It took me about 20 minutes and I had 2 pages of notes and the topic was: Tame Your Tongue. The main verse was Eph. 4:29. It is actually one of my favorite teachings now. I don't really remember the actual teaching part. The Holy Spirit just booted me out of the way and spoke for almost 40 minutes on the subject. I do remember some clapping and amen's so I must have been doing okay. It felt great and it wasn't the last time I would teach. I actually enjoy sharing now, which is crazy because I have never really liked speaking in front of people. I know it is cliche but I can do ALL things through Christ.

Nearing the end of my fourth month Nick called me into his office. He said "you had better start talking if you want this discipline to be a little easier than last time". I knew just what he was talking about. After 4 and a half months my body was tired of waking up at 5am and being on the go until midnight each day. The last couple of times that I had been out to evangelize and pass out fliers I had decided to park the van and let everyone take a nap, instead of hitting the streets. Not only had I been doing that but one of the newer guys managed to sneak a food stamp card in and I was buying snacks and everything while we were out (a pretty big no no since we don't carry money). He told me that if I really wanted to be obedient to God's call I had better watch out for the little things, for they are almost worse than the big ones. He called Meagan and then my dad to inform them that there wouldn't be any need in them coming for the next month. I was so upset. I was afraid Meagan would think that I have really changed and that I was up to my same ole tricks which was not true, I was just going through the growing pains of being a baby Christian and I hope that she saw it that way. Come to find out she did and she was actually happy that I got put back on discipline because it was the time that I changed the most.

Just when I started to get comfortable God decide to discipline me, stretch me, and mold me so that he could begin to use my life more.