"But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come."
--John 16:13
One night, at the end of spring, I had a church softball game. I didn't really want to take Beckett to the game because it was windy outside. Todd didn't have a ballgame that particular night. I was a little leery about leaving Beckett with Todd on his own, but as Todd would say, "I'm a grown man, Meagan. I can handle it." I remember leaving that night worried. The last thing I said to Todd was, "Whatever you do, don't fall asleep without putting Beckett in his crib." Those words right there tell you that I didn't trust Todd. I went to my game and after, as I was driving home, I called Todd. No answer. I called him again. No answer. I ended up calling him 7 times on the drive back to the house from the softball fields (it's probably only a 5 minute drive). Each time I called, I got more and more sick to my stomach. As I drove up to the house, I was so afraid to go inside. As I walked through the front door, I started calling out Todd's name with no response. Our den was at the back of our old house. It seemed like forever for me to get there. When I walked in, I saw a sight that I never would have to see again. Todd had passed out. His legs were still positioned as if he were sitting up, but his body had fallen back like he was asleep on the couch. Beckett was right beside asleep. He was actually in the crease of the sectional. No one knows what could have happened that night had Beckett not been face up in the crease or if he could have accidentally rolled off. I jerked Beckett up and yelled at Todd that he would never keep him alone. From then on, the babysitting started over. If I ever had a ballgame, I never left Beckett with Todd. Either my parents or Todd parents would come sit with them or I would take Beckett. I am so thankful that God was holding our precious baby that night in His arms.
Other things that happened weren't quite as bad. Everyday occurrences could be something like the following:
going to sleep at 7:00 for the night
sleeping on the couch
slurred speech
red eyes
lethargic movements
temper tantrums
random "things" he had to go to the store for
not letting me in his car
missing money
deleting ALL his text messages
talking on the phone outside
etc.
Looking back at this list of things, I wonder why I didn't do anything sooner. But, that's the point right there. No matter what I could have done or did do, I couldn't change Todd. Bottom line. Todd couldn't even change Todd. It took an act of God to change Todd.
The day that Todd talked about when he took so many pills at work was the day I realized what kind of problem he really had. I always knew there was a real problem, but I don't think I understood how bad it was because I had only HEARD about all the pills. I remember getting the phone call as I was picking up Beckett from the babysitter. I needed to call Todd's work and I needed to call it immediately. I knew exactly what the problem was. I didn't know the specifics, but I just knew it had to deal with drugs. When his mom and I got to the drug-testing facility, I was so embarrassed. I just knew he had lost ANOTHER job. After corralling him (which was a task in itself), we went back to pick up his car at his office. Todd was trying to get into the car before I could. He even wanted to drive home. He started fiddling with the console and somehow (I don't know how), I pushed my way through. When I opened the console of his car and saw several FULL pill bottles, I literally got sick. I looked at his mom and lost it. I couldn't believe it.
Beckett was so young and the time had come. The time had come for me to put a stop to it all. I couldn't trust Todd around Beckett and honestly, I didn't really care one way or another if I was with Todd. I had a great "out" right then. I was ready to leave.
Todd went to a detox center that night. I was so glad for him to be away so I could spend some time thinking about what I needed to do for Beckett and me. He was only away for a couple of days, but it was all I needed. I didn't let him come back home. He stayed with his parents for a couple of weeks and basically, had an easy life. He couldn't go back to work until the drug test came back. So, he just hung out and got high.
This is a picture of Todd the night before he left home for Fort Worth, Texas. It was the last time he would call Benton, Arkansas his home (little did we know). I don't need to say much more about it, because just like the old saying goes, "A picture is worth a thousand words."
I can't wait for everyone to know the rest of our story. Our lives were about to change forever...
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